AAAAGH!!! Maternal jitters

Take pity on a pregnant mom and pray for me, please.

If you have been around here long, you’ve heard me mention Emily Rose. For the newcomers, she’s the baby we had between Kiddo#1 and Kiddo#2. She died of anencephaly when she was born, but 20 weeks prior to that was when she was actually diagnosed, via ultrasound at 22 weeks and three days gestation. Anencephaly is a condition where the baby’s skull doesn’t close and the brain doesn’t form. It’s 100% fatal.

Now I’m 26 weeks pregnant with Kiddo#4. Tomorrow we have the ultrasound to get a look at this baby’s head.

We put off the ultrasound because I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s Christmas if the worst happened. Let’s face it: you never get your innocence back after you go to find out if you’re having a boy or a girl and learn instead you’re having an anencephalic.

This time, we’re only going to find out “if it’s a boy or a girl” if the baby has something fatal. If not, then we wait.

We won’t get an official report until next week, when I see the midwives. But skulls are pretty obvious on ultrasound, especially when they aren’t there.

With Kiddo#2’s ultrasound, the tech couldn’t tell us anything no matter how many documents we signed; apparently if she said “The baby’s head is fine” or “The baby looks like it’s got anencephaly” we could sue. Go figure. So instead she wrote “Normal fetus” on a piece of paper and asked me to bring this upstairs to the midwives to have them read it to me. And forgot to put it in an envelope for good measure.

With Kiddo#3, the tech was completely closed-mouthed. We couldn’t get a squeak out of her. But at the very end, she said, “Do you want to know the gender?” and I replied, “Only if the baby is going to die.” At which point she snapped off the machine and said, “Then I’m done.”

Please pray that our baby is okay. And that tomorrow’s tech will have compassion on us. And that I don’t throw up when I smell that “ultrasound scanning room” smell that always triggers traumatic memories for me.