Kiddo#3 came into the room looking a little distressed and announced to my Patient Husband and me that his butt had fallen off.
And I thought…wouldn’t that be cool? Imagine if you’re just walking down the street one day, and there’s a freak accident somehow, someone bumps into you holding Harry Potter 6, and WHAM, your butt just falls off. And there you are, suddenly unburdened of years of overeating just like that, and you face a fashion emergency of unbridled proportions as you need to dash into the nearest clothing store and pick up a pair of pants four sizes smaller than before.
Now if I could also get my thighs to fall off, that would be awesome. For one stunning moment it would be me in size six jeans, at least until the next time I passed a Cinnabon.
Plus, Kiddo#3 was totally unharmed by whatever had happened to him, other than a little distress (which wouldn’t be the case with most adults!). Think: we could patent this procedure! Isolate the conditions that precipitated the butt-drop and reproduce them under laboratory conditions. We could pay for the kids’ college educations and look stunning at the same time. You can’t beat that with a stick.
For a moment, the world was our collective fat-free oyster.
Unfortunately, it’s not to be. When we asked him to explain a little, it became clear that the snap on his pants had come undone (his “button”) and he couldn’t fix it himself. My Patient Husband solved the problem, and Kiddo#3 trotted away happy, both butt-cheeks still attached to his body.
But for a moment there, to dream…