My kids have decided I need the power of personal teleportation, and they have also decided I will mercilessly embarrass them if I acquire it.

For one thing, they love saying “BAMF!” (ala Nightcrawler) and laugh crazily every time. They really spit it out, too. Not a weak “bamf!” but a hearty rafter-rattling “BAMF!” that results in the neighbors checking earthquake.com to make sure we haven’t been hit by The Big One.

They wanted to know what I’d use it for. I said probably to bring them things at school that they’d forgotten. And after that, they came up with the following scenario:

Kiddo#1: “Mom,  I borrowed Matt’s cell phone to tell you I forgot my lunch at home.”

Me: “Where did you leave it?”

Him: “It’s on the couch in the library.”

Me: “Oh, here it is. Okay, which class are you in?”

Him: “Science. Why? –OH NO!”


Me: Here ya go!

Him: …thanksmomIthink…

Me: Oh, here, little snookums! I wouldn’t want you to be hungry, poor baby. Are you okay? {kiss}

Classroom: DUDE! Is that your MOM?!?

Kiddo#1: {wants to dissolve into the floor}

Me: Hi, Mrs. Smith! Just bringing Kiddo#1 his lunch. He’s so forgetful. I’ll be going now.


I think it would teach him personal responsibility in a hurry, don’t you?

Teleportation would make my life a lot easier. Forgot the library books? BAMF! Didn’t get the eggs at the grocery store? BAMF! Need to drop off one kid at religious education but the baby is sleeping? BAMF!

Add that to the list of superhero skills that mothers need to have, and almost have, but don’t really have. Along with telepathy (“Don’t give me that! I know what you’re thinking!”) and telekinesis (“Honey, go grab that for me.”)

Figure out bilocation for me and I think we have a winner. SuperMom, able to juggle four kids’ schedules, answer the phone, do basic algebra, keep the entire inventory of the fridge in her head AND do a load of laundry all at the same time.

Until then, if you need me, I’ll be somewhere else. *BAMF!*


  1. Jason Block

    But do you think the eggs and fragiles could survive it? LOL

    1. philangelus

      Since the “BAMF!” is from the air imploding behind you after you vanish, there’s no reason the eggs and my iPod wouldn’t survive teleportation. 🙂

      My kids actually asked me to BAMF up in front of the very slow car ahead of us yesterday, and I wasn’t sure I could do that since it would require teleporting the whole vehicle.

  2. Jason Block

    Then you should rent the film “The Incredibles”. It’s a Pixar film about a family with SuperHero Powers(if they haven’t seen it before). Great stuff.

    1. philangelus

      Own it. Seen it twice. Want to see it again. 🙂

      1. cricketB


  3. Jason Block

    Where’s my Super Suit? ROFL

  4. Scott

    Keep in mind, when Nightcrawler teleports, he first goes into some multi-colored alternate reality and then teleports back into ours wherever he wants (I think I still have the comic that shows it) and the eggs and lunch would smell like sulphur.

    Besides, there are less cruel ways to embarass your son…..like buying him underwear in plain sight of his friends. 🙂

    1. philangelus

      I hadn’t thought of the sulphur aspect. I’ll have to tell the kids about that part. They may change their minds.

      I know many many ways to embarrass my children. For their sake, I refrain. But in my heart, I just know it quietly. 🙂

  5. cricketB

    Date debate: Asprin’s M.Y.T.H. books in the late 1980s used Bamf.

    You can keep the fridge inventory in your head? Wow!

  6. XDPaul

    Nightcrawler’s from the 1975. Giant Size X-Men #1. Uhm. A nerd just told me.

    Just pray that Patient Husband doesn’t get a hold of teleportation. He’ll use it to commute to work, ten feet at a time.

    It’ll take about an hour.

    1. Blue


    2. philangelus

      Paul, OMG, where have you been!? Welcome back! 🙂

      And he rolled his eyes when I suggested his new commute strategy.

  7. Patient Husband's Former Officemate

    How about the superhero skill of seeing out the back of your head?

    1. philangelus

      That’s actually supersonic hearing.

  8. cricketB

    Or being a parent.