An honorable “discharce”

Imagine my surprise to learn that despite my Italian heritage, I have no idea how to cook pasta!

I picked up bags of pasta, $5 for five, at the Entenmann’s Thrift Store, aka The Very Dangerous Place. Those crumb cakes, the ones I dream of? They’re like a dollar there. They fit nicely in my freezer. I’m in trouble.

Yesterday while cooking the pasta, I turned over the bag in order to see how many minutes they recommended cooking. Apparently I’ve been doing it wrong. Have you?

1. Pour 3 Lt. of water into the saucepan and leave it to boil. (12 glass.)
2. Once the water has boiled, add a sufficient quantity of salt and one soup-spoon of liquid oil.
3. Discharce Macaroni in the saucepan and cook it for 10 minutes on intense fire by keeping the saucepan open and stir it by the time of time. (For Italian type live macaroni 8 minutes will be sufficient.)
4. Then strain and wash with a glass of cold water.
5. After the addition of butter, margarine or sauce, serve it hot.

Well, I feel stupid. I’ve never discharced anything! Moreover, I’ve always eaten my pasta dead, not Italian type live macaroni. At least I got the sauce part right.

The package goes on to say “Plain Macaroni, Non-compose.” And if you were wondering, it has 75 grams of carbonhydrates.

My Patient Husband and I decided this is what happens if you have Babelfish translate your pasta instructions. You can kind of see it: 12 cups becomes 12 glass, a tablespoon becomes soup-spoon. This pasta is a product of Turkey, it says. And really, who am I to make fun of the translator? I myself speak only one language, and barely that.

And so, I leave you with one final piece of wisdom: “Produced continuously by using 100% durum wheat semolina from south and it’s quality control has done periodically our fully laboratuary.”

If that doesn’t make you feel better about your pasta, what will?

—

(Note: I guess a laboratuary is what happens when a laboratory and a mortuary meet and fall deeply in love.)