This should be a game show

And now, for the final round, our returning champion will have to answer a series of questions in sixty seconds to win the grand prize. We’ll ask for bedlam and random noise from the audience, and judges, if you don’t hear the answer or weren’t paying attention, count the question as not having been answered. Ready?….Go.

“Mom, where are my socks?”

“Mom? How many days are there in May?”

“What’s a current?”

“Who’s Spiro Agnew?”

“How much does a Lego Star Wars star destroyer cost?”

“Are those cirrus clouds or cumulonimbus?”

“Is there a BuildABear in the Angeltown Mall?”

“How old is Grandma?”

“How many episodes are there of The Tick?”

“Mom? What’s a bra?”

“Do you remember the name of that kid who sat next to me in third grade? Did I tell you he stole my orange once?”

“Why  does Kiddo#4 want to do everything I do?”

“Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Wait, what did I want to ask you?”

“Can I go jump rope outside?”

“What does H-E- Are you listening? H-E-I… Uh, I-G LEAVE MY LEGOS ALONE, you bad baby! –I-G-H-T spell?”

“In Harry Potter book seven, when they use the flagrante spell, does that make things go on fire or does that create lots of worthless duplicates?”

“Why can’t you glue plastic together?”

“Mom? Mom? Do foxes eat people? Why not? What do they eat?”

**BZZ** Time’s up! Let’s see how our judges rated her.  Oh, wait, half of the judges have wandered away and the rest are having a fight about which one gets to post her score on the board.  I guess that means our finalist will have to come back and do it again tomorrow.


  1. Ivy

    Here it sounds more like:

    “It says ‘click here’ what do I do?”

    “Do we need Outlook to use the Outlook integration?”

    “The network is down. Why can’t I access the application?”

    “The database server is down. Why can’t I see our data?”

    The most common, and the most frightening from adults, “What’s my name?” (This usually when face with a prompt for ‘Name’.)

    No one ever listens to the answers here either.

    1. philangelus

      When they say “What’s my name?” do you reply “Who’s your Daddy?”

      If no, how can you possibly resist?

      1. Ivy

        I don’t think any of these clients would get it anyway. I was knitting on the phone yesterday, just to keep from screaming at a client.

        “What’s my name?”
        “Just type your name there.”
        “First name last or last name first?”
        “It’s just for a screen name. It doesn’t matter.”
        “Can I just type Angela?”
        “Yes. It’s just a screen name. Type whatever you want.”
        “Can I type Angie?”
        “Whatever you want.”
        “How about Ann?”
        “Whatever you want.”
        “What if I leave it blank?”
        “It’ll ask you type something. Please, just type something in that field so we can proceed.”
        “But I don’t want to type in my name. Can I give my boss’s name?”
        “Type ‘name’, just n-a-m-e and move on.”

        She did, finally. She also felt the need to create an anonymous e-mail account when it asked for her e-mail address (even though I sent the information to her office e-mail, so I knew what that was) and I got about two and a half inches of a soap sack knit during this time. She said she was scared of getting spammed.

        1. cricketB

          Next she’ll wonder why she doesn’t get the email with the report she asked it to mail to her.

          (BTW, Gmail had a nice disposable address feature, not sure if it’s still there, but with this client it might cause more problems than it solves.)

  2. K.M. Weiland

    Ha! Thanks for the laugh. What I want to know is how many of these questions got answered with, “Because.”

    “Because why?”

    “Just because.”

    “Just because why?”

    “Because I say so!” :p

    1. Ken Rolph

      Because “why” is a crooked letter and you can’t straighten it.

      According to my mum and all my aunties.