My Patient Husband said, “Oh, I forgot to tell you my fortune.”
He and a group of co-workers had gone to a Chinese restaurant for lunch, and in his fortune cookie he’d received a very special message.
You are the crispy noodle on the vegetarian salad of life.
I have to say I agree on the grounds that I don’t understand it enough to disagree with it. Is being a crispy noodle a good thing or a bad thing? I’m going to venture that it’s a good thing, for two reasons:
1. crispy noodles in a salad would be a tasty surprise
2. fortune cookies don’t generally deliver bad news
So while I remember looking at a copy of Penn And Teller Play With Your Food back during college, and finding the tear-off sheet of fortunes that said things like “That lump is cancer,” you’re never really going to find that, or
You will need a ferocious attorney.
Your love of learning will help you figure out how to get gum out of an antique Persian rug.
Whenever we get fortune cookies, our family follows the same pattern every time. The kids get theirs first, and they’ll read them aloud at the table. In the middle of this, I’ll say, “Mine says,
‘You will die alone and afraid, knowing that no one ever really loved you.’
And then I’ll add in a bemused tone, “I always get the same one.” I’m directly quoting an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, by the way, but it’s always good for a laugh. What follows is this:
Kiddo#2: It really says that?
Kiddo#1: It does not! What does it really say!
Lately, the oldest two either recite it with me or else they pre-empt me. I’m going to need a new joke.
Also during the reading of the fortunes, someone will come up with something particularly cheesy and either my Patient Husband or I (or both of us simultaneously) will utter a breathy “That is so deep.”
Memorable fortunes from our past:
You like Chinese food.
You have the power to write your own fortune.
Help! I’m trapped in a fortune cookie factory!
(Actually, that last one is from a Terry Pratchett novel.)
Back when I was a neophyte philangelus, not very long after the first time I said hi to my guardian, I found a fortune I still keep in my wallet. It said,
Angels guard your every step.
I thought that was really sweet. I thought it was even sweeter when, later, I ended up getting exactly the same fortune again.
Sometimes they’re sweet. And sometimes, you’re just the crispy noodle on the vegetarian salad of life.