The stormtrooper invasion

I never thought I’d see the day when Imperial Stormtroopers were the heroes, but because of the Clone Wars cartoons, Kiddo#3 has decided he wants to be a stormtrooper when he grows up. I guess now they call them clone troopers.

I’m not sure how they retcon the fact that stormtroopers are abysmally incompetent in Star Wars, Empire and Jedi, but maybe you can claim that these heroes who served alongside Anakin and Obi Wan in The Clone Wars are really in disagreement with the aims of the Empire, and therefore serve badly in order to give help to the rebellion. Or something. Regardless, it’s just bizarre to me to watch a cartoon in which they’re the heroes and get the funny lines.

I explained to Kiddo#3 that being an Imperial stormtrooper was not an achievable goal, so he settled for second best: he would be one for Halloween. I agreed.

In late September, I found a good deal online. From walmart.  I should have known better. Instead I ordered the thing because it was half price. They gave a final delivery date of 10/12.

Tracking info showed it shipped on 10/5 and arrived in OneHundredMilesAway on 10/7.  And thereafter, nothing.

The Angelborough Post Offal, when I approached them for help, proved there is no job so simple they cannot refuse to do it. Yeah, the folks in OneHundredMilesAway are very slow. Add a week to the drop-dead date. We just got a huge shipment today. No, I won’t go look in the back.

With the package three days overdue, I emailed Walmart and they refunded the lost package. There was one additional email exchange asking about the form they said I had to fill out but never sent (and it turned out, I didn’t have to fill it out. Thanks for confusing me.) I went to a costume store and picked up the costume there, but it was too big. I ended up at a third store and found one a shade too small, but it fits. Fine. I returned the big one.

Kiddo#3 proceeded to wear his costume with delight.

A week after the drop-dead date, the Walmart package arrived. Of course. So…do I keep it? Do I drive it to TenMilesAway and leave it there so they can sell it? Do I write Return To Sender on the package and then re-buy it when it’s on final clearance two weeks after Halloween? What?

I emailed them with “What would you like me to do with the package?” and their autobot replied with the generic “how to obtain a refund” email, which isn’t necessary because I’ve been refunded.

I hate dealing with them. Nothing is simple.

We’ve been invaded by Stormtroopers. I only want to send this one home.


  1. Cricket

    The newer generations of troopers suffer from copy degradation.

    1. philangelus

      That’s a good retcon. We’ll go with that. 🙂

    2. Liz

      I was thinking along the same lines. 🙂

  2. philangelus

    We did it! I actually called Walmart and they’re going to rebill us for the costume, and I’m going to bring it to the family shelter in the next town over because they need halloween costumes.

    I guess God knew some little kid needed a costume, and this was the best way to get it there. 😉

  3. Marie

    When clone troopers worked for the Jedi they were good and competent. When they worked for the emperor and Darth Vader they were evil (or at least co-operating with evil) and less competent.

    My take: Poor leadership. Jedi were doing tough things for the greater good and inspired troops to train hard. The emperor is serving himself and the troopers started doing that and taking the easy way out in training. Also, either all the storm troopers are rather old, or they are clones of clones so Cricket’s explanation would also apply.