There is a billboard out on Main Street which declares, courtesy of the McDonalds corporation, that “Chocolate drizzle is a right, not a topping.”
The picture is of some frothy coffee drink thing, and I admit, it looks nice. I’m sure that frothy coffee thing drinkers will love it and will find that chocolate drizzle to enhance their coffee thing drinking experience.
But it’s a right? A right? You mean like my right to a fair trial? My right to vote? My right to post a blog entry saying that these people have gone beyond whacked in the attempt to tell American drivers that we require the best of everything?
And when I go into the Angelborough McDonalds and they have run out of chocolate drizzle, is that a human rights violation? Can I report them to Amnesty International and have teams of concerned college students circulate petitions demanding that I be made whole again?
When my children are with me in the store, and I deny them a drink with chocolate drizzle in favor of milk, orange juice or bottled water, will the other concerned customers call Child Protective Services to report my neglectful or abusive parenting?
If the gal behind the counter refuses to put chocolate drizzle on my Quarter Pounder With Cheese (remember, it’s a right, not a topping, so I am hereby entitled to chocolate drizzle on everything I order, including a dot of chocolate on each of my supersized french fries) is she guilty of war crimes?
Here in the States we have entitlement issues. I get that. I’m sympathetic. And advertising exists only to create needs we didn’t have already. But Jefferson if he lived today would not be revising the Declaration to include chocolate drizzle as an inalienable right, and maybe, just maybe, it would help us to understand that some of the joys in life are optional incidentals.
The best of everything at all times would be lovely, but since we live in reality, would it be okay if we all got over ourselves now?