What are you supposed to be?

On a recent foray to the Dangerous Store of Dangerosity (not to be confused with the Yarn Store, where I also flirt with financial and space-related danger) I found a product I’ve never seen before…and likely will never see again. Pretzel-bagels.

Let that sink in, okay? Pretzel-bagels.

My package is a bit different. It’s in a plastic tray because one can never generate enough garbage, and also on the back there’s a little FAQ saying “No, we’re not burned! We’re supposed to be this color!” and “We used to have salt like a real pretzel, but it’s moist in the bag, and well, you know…”

I like the way they taste. I love big soft pretzels and I’m Angelborough’s prime consumer of bagels. This marriage of the two products can only be good and lovely and wholesome. It’s also bizarre enough that (considering it’s already been repackaged once) I can say with a certain confidence that this will likely be the only bag we ever see.

But my point: on the front of my package it says “Great for snacking!”

I don’t want a product to have to tell me what it is before I decide it’s useful. When you go to the store and pick up a chicken, it doesn’t say “Delicious for dinner!”  Your gallon of milk doesn’t say “A healthy drink!” and it also doesn’t say “Pour me in your cereal!”

Similarly, a box of pencils doesn’t say “Great for writing…and erasing!” Paper clips don’t come with the tag-line, “For when you want papers to stay together without a staple!” My soap doesn’t need a gold circle on the box to say “Helpful for cleaning!”

While America has its problems, I believe we’ve progressed beyond the point where to stave off starvation you must use every weird part of the animal you just slaughtered: “Mom, how do we use this?”  But that I can understand. You slaughter an ox –> it has a tail –> you’d never go out of the way to obtain a tail, but now you have one –> the family uses it for something. But products like pretzel-bagels are, in effect, mass-producing ox tails.

But I guess that’s our culture, where corporate survival requires manufacturing needs as well as products. And then telling you what you needed the product for all along. Therefore, here’s my contribution: This blog entry is good for reading. 🙂


  1. Ken Rolph

    Foraying into yarn stores can sometimes be productive. I’ve been working on hooked rugs for most of last year (on and off). Just after Christmas I got a voucher for $50 for spending so much in the store during 2011. I’m just hoping my wife doesn’t find out. She is dubious about my retirement being spent keeping sheep happy in the paddock. But it does keep my fingers working. How much did I have to spend to earn a free $50. I’m too frightened to add it up.