the joys of media mail

I’m a “frequent contributor” to The Wittenburg Door. I’ve been published there eighteen times and counting because my twisted sense of humor matches theirs.

The Door is kind of like a religious MAD Magazine and I’ve sold everything from ads for “pre-prayed phone cards” to instructions on how to drive with one of those plastic fish on your car. This issue had a “reading from the book of cats” (God’s instructions to those working in animal rescue) and a news article about God’s self-esteem initiative. (“As it turns out, tossing sinners into Hell was seriously impacting their self-esteem!”)

A few years ago, I annonced that half my sense of humor came from MAD Magazine, and the other half from my father. My father then told me I was in trouble, because 100% of his sense of humor came from MAD.

Anyhow, I got a check but no contributors copies. At the end of November, I emailed and asked if they’d gotten lost, and the magazine mailed out new contributor copies. Those arrived in two days.

Yesterday, as I sorted through the day’s haul of Christmas catalogs, I found…an envelope from The Door! Two sides were ripped; only one was taped. The entire envelope was wrinkled and worn and looked as if it had been walked over for six weeks. Which it might have been: the postmark said October 25th; it had arrived on December 10th.

For those watching at home, that’s 45 days in transit.

I know media mail is cheap, but seriously, does that mean they have to drag it behind a truck? Or stand on it? How about last year, when I got an envelope with tire tracks on it? Deliver it–don’t park on it!

I’m just griping, though. My copies got here, so Mom, if you’re reading this, don’t buy a copy this month. And I’ve let the editor know to adjust the next check accordingly.