The Magic God Ball

We just got one of these, and I figured I’d post the instructions. It’s quite handy, doesn’t ask me to tithe other than my one payment of $9.95, and I’ve already been receiving inspired answers! Enjoy.

        Instructions For Using The Magic God Ball

Congratulations on your divinely-inspired purchase! With proper care and maintenance, your Magic God Ball will provide answers to your life questions for years to come.

Discernment can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

    1. Remove Magic God Ball from its protective plastic packaging. Discard packaging.
    2. Carefully consider your life’s needs and ask the Magic God Ball a question.
    3. Prayerfully give the Magic God Ball a shake.
    4. Consult the Results Window of the Magic God Ball for your answer. In general, your answer will be one of the following:

      • Yes!
      • No
      • Consult The Scriptures
      • A Miracle Shall Occur
      • Yes, but not the way you expect
      • No, for you do not pray as you ought
      • Fasting Is Required
      • Answer hazy. Pray again later.

    Bear in mind that sometimes, due to miraculous intervention, your Magic God Ball may provide a different answer. Please receive this in the spirit intended.

    5. Graciously thank your Magic God Ball for its answer.
    6. Put into practice the answer which you received from your Magic God Ball.
    7. In the event you disagree with your Magic God Ball, rephrase the question and give it another shake. Continue as necessary until your understanding is perfectly clear and you have the answer you want.
    8. After successful prayer, place your Magic God Ball in a prominent place in your home on the plastic God Ball Stand provided.

Magic God Ball is composed of durable plastic and does not require maintenance. Daily use of the God Ball is recommended to insure top performance. To clean, rub with a damp cloth. Do not immerse Magic God Ball in water. Magic God Ball is warranteed against defects in craftsmanship for eternity from date of purchase. In the event eternal life is not obtained by use of Magic God Ball, no warrantee is implied or given with regard to purchaser’s soul.

Visit our website at to explore our other fine products in the divinity line, including My First Soul, Barrel Of Virtues, and the Sun-Loving Malibu Saints’ Convertible Fiery Chariot.


  1. Jenni

    I’d love to go for a spin in the SLMSCF Chariot (mouthful there).

    So….. how did today go?

  2. philangelus

    No word yet (Tuesday morning) about the publishing board. I don’t expect to hear for a few days yet, if things follow their normal course. TTFN!