I have a fashion problem. We have tickets to tonight’s Angeltown Symphony Orchestra performance, and all my dresses make me look 36 weeks pregnant.
Actually, it’s far worse than that. They simply don’t fit. After four full-term pregnancies, my body feels entitled to completely explode on me in the fifth, so the dresses fit like sheathe dresses, and even the stuff that looks okay from the front will make lighthouses blow fog horns if I’m seen from the side.
After trying on — literally — every single article of maternity clothing in the house, I’ve come to the following conclusion: I am not going to look good. I might avoid snickering, but there will be looks of pity in my wake.
I could dress in my “church clothes” (I have precisely one dress which fits for church) but I really wanted something a little bit special and different. (I would normally dress way up, like I would for a wedding.) Besides, whatever I wear tonight for the concert will be the same thing I wear for Easter. Plus, the concert hall is always grossly hot.
I’ve been at this for an hour. The concert is in ten more, and I don’t think the Clothing Fairies are about to appear with their magic needles.
With this in mind, I have an etiquette question. Sometimes, in some circumstances, the rules of etiquette are relaxed for pregnant women. Now, I know it’s absolutely rude to wear jeans to the symphony, so I’d never do that. But in this case, just once, would it be all right if I went completely in the buff?