Here is a beautiful birth story.
As the clock struck midnight and the calendar turned to April first, Philangelus felt the first contractions for labor. She and her Patient Husband packed up their birthing equipment and his mandolin into the VW bus and began the 90 minute drive to the seashore. They sang and timed contractions the whole way, phoning the midwife en route.
When they arrived, Philangelus changed into her birthing suit and immersed herself in the loving arms of the ocean while her Patient Husband played Bach partitas on his Irish flute. The midwife arrived, building the bonfire and scattering palm fronds on the beach to welcome the new little one. As contractions built in intensity, it became obvious that Philangelus was nearing transition when dolphins came to the surface, bringing her gifts of deep sea trout and pearls.
At 3:33 AM on April 1st, while her Patient Husband played “Now the green blade rises” on his bagpipes, Philangelus delivered little Solstice Peace, a beautiful 7.7 pounds, into the loving hands of the high tide. While Solstice nuzzled at her breast, she then delivered the placenta, Solstice’s twin which they named Harmony Justice.
Gathered around the bonfire, Philangelus, her Patient Husband, the midwife, Solstice and Harmony greeted the first brilliant rays of sunrise while dolphins blew guysered rainbows into the air and the household guardian angels clustered close to accompany the Patient Husband’s ukulele with “Come Sail Away.”
They cut the cord between Solstice and Harmony, then wrapped Harmony in a soft cotton blanket, laid it out in a moses basket, and delivered it back into the waves where the dolphin chorus guided it out to the deep, to be returned to Mother Ocean.
Solstice Peace will be raised in a gender-neutral environment until age 18, at which point Solstice will choose a gender for himself or herself, assuming Solstice sees the need for such a decision.
Oh, and did I mention the DATE?
So you’ve decided to grace us all with an April first P.C. fiction?
On the other hand, the deep sea trout sounds yummy! Wonder if I can find some dolphins to give me some presents to soothe my PMSing soul…
That is a beaut. Babies are so easy.
I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking coffee when I read this.
But what about poor Harmony? Do placenta’s not need love?
It’s your fault, now I want trout for dinner and instead I MUST have leftovers, or they will spoil…
Well, may I suggest placenta bolognese?
And no, that’s not an April Fools joke. I kind of wish it was…
And no whales? But what a talented man Patient Husband is…he can play so many instruments 😀
WHAT the…. Placenta what????? I’ve heard of burying it but honestly, eating it with red sauce?? That had to be April Fool’s….
Sadly, I really don’t think that’s a joke. I’ve seen too many placenta recipe sites to believe it’s not real.
You’ll be pleased to know that in my *real* birth story, when the midwife said, “What do you want to do with the placenta?” I replied, “I want you to do something with it.” And away it went.