July stinks

It used to be that February was the disaster month. Everything bad in my family happened in February. 

My Patient Husband’s experience was different: bad things happened in October.

Emily Rose was diagnosed with anencephaly on February 28th, 2000, and that was the last straw for me. The next year, with February approaching and me newly-pregnant with Kiddo#2, I actually did something about February, and I prayed that God would “remove the burden of February” from my family.

You laugh, but since then, our family disasters have been spread out through the year. July, however, stinks.

Emily should have been born in early July, 2000, probably the third to the fifth. She went two weeks beyond her due-date, though, to July 19th, and then died on the 20th. I was surprised in July, 2001 when I got really sad around the time of her due-date: I never really thought of that as *her* time. And then again two and a half weeks later, on the anniversary of her birthday and death-day.

Since then, I’ve known to write off July as a loss. I don’t look for more than minimum functionality in July.

This July, we’re moving away from Angeltown. I’ve got to be operating at peak efficiency to get everything done before we move, and instead I’m spinning my wheels. 

I don’t want to leave Angeltown. I don’t want to leave my community, my friends, my daughter’s grave, and my familiar spots.

This year, July stinks. I’ve got my eyes focused on August, post-move, but first we have to get through the next twenty-six days.

5 Comments

  1. karen ^.,.^

    ((((((((Jane))))))))

  2. blueraindrop

    My month seems to be December. I’ve always thought that was the worst time to have that stuff going on… though I don’t remember it ever crossing my mind to ask for my junk month to be reassigned. Though now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m sure it will cross my mind this year! LOL

  3. Jenni

    One small step at a time: it’s the only way to get through anything.

    We’ll be here praying you through this month/move.

  4. Kit

    Oh Jane…hugs!

  5. CricketB

    You’ll get there.

    A shorter version of my favourite story for times like this. I much prefer Bev’s ending, so I spliced it in.

    One day Solomon decided to humble Benaiah Ben Yehoyada, his most trusted minister. He said to him, “Benaiah, there is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I wish to wear it for Sukkot which gives you six months to find it.”

    “If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty,” replied Benaiah, “I will find it and bring it to you, but what makes the ring so special?”

    “It has magic powers,” answered the king. “If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy.” Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility.

    Spring passed and then summer, and still Benaiah had no idea where he could find the ring.

    On the night before Sukkot, he decided to take a walk in one of the poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day’s wares on a shabby carpet.

    “Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?” asked Benaiah.

    He watched the grandfather take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When Benaiah read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile.

    That night the entire city welcomed in the holiday of Sukkot with great festivity. “Well, my friend,” said Solomon, “have you found what I sent you after?” All the ministers laughed and Solomon himself smiled.

    To everyone’s surprise, Benaiah held up a small gold ring and declared, “Here it is, your majesty!”

    As soon as Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweler had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: _gimel, zayin, yud_, which began the words “_Gam zeh ya’avor_” — “This too shall pass.”

    Solomon realized that, if a happy man were to think that, he would become sad, and if a sad man thought it, he would become happy.

    The king put the ring on his finger, and for the rest of his days it helped him to rule with wisdom and humility.

    ++++

    I’m sending prayers in your direction.

    Cricket

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