Signs that you are a modern mystic

Oh boy…because I needed to do more time in Purgatory.

  1. In the middle of your vision of Heaven, you think, “I should totally blog about this!”
  2. Jesus tells you that with the gift of His Mercy, all your sins will come up “404 Not Found.”
  3. When under spiritual attack, you ask if you can download updates to the graces God gave you.
  4. You ask the Virgin Mary for her email address, and she says, “Sure, but I have it automated to forward to my Son.”
  5. After your guardian angel gives you a vision of the place he first met you, you verify it via Google search (oh, wait…)
  6. Instead of saying “Scripture says,” you can paraphrase and link to eight different translations.
  7. You ask if Jesus would like to be interviewed on your podcast.
  8. Instead of the Interior Castle, you write a document about your internal architecture and organize a design review.
  9. Human nature isn’t fallen; it has “bugs.”
  10. Direct attacks by Satan have no effect because after watching dozens of Hollywood films, you’re mentally calculating his special effects budget.
  11. You’ve read thirteen self-help books to rule out any kind of psychological diagnosis to explain your experiences.
  12. Your guardian angel’s blackberry has a program that plots your trajectory toward  Heaven in realtime.
  13. Not only that, but he uses your computer to join a support group.
  14. You plan on live-Tweeting the Second Coming.
  15. You know your salvation is assured when Jesus friends you on facebook.


  1. Jason Block

    Religious Geek Humor…LOVE IT! (snicker). BTW, your ticket to Purgatory is in your email 🙂

  2. capt_cardor

    It’s not a ticket, but a “salvation order confirmation”.

  3. Blue


    You know the Apocalypse is near when Travelocity suddenly has great deals on express train tickets to somewhere called “The Underworld”.

    Unfortunately, they have to be paid through Soulpal.

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