My Patient Husband’s Oatmeal Scotchies

In an effort to save myself some effort, I’m posting our family’s recipe for oatmeal scotchies (oatmeal cookies with butterscotch chips.) Whereas we make chocolate chip cookies using the recipe on the chocolate chip bag, the recipe on the butterscotch chip bag results in brittle cookies.

Over the years, therefore, my Patient Husband and I have modified the recipe, one delicious experiment at a time, true scientists in the pursuit of oatmeal perfection, and sometimes we’d even write it down.

The problem is, in order to make the cookies, I need to find the paper where we’ve recorded the variables, and it’s one of fifty sheets of paper jammed into the Good Housekeeping cookbook my aunt gave us for an engagement present sixteen years ago. I’d rather just use my computer.

I could pretend I’m selflessly sharing perfection with you guys. But really? I’m all about searchability.

My Patient Husband’s Oatmeal Scotchies

1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 sticks butter (softened)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups flour
2 cups quick-cooking oatmeal
2 cups (one package) butterscotch chips

1) Preheat oven to 375. (Note: I preheat it to 350 because I never bother to read the directions.)

2) In large bowl, combine butter, sugar, brown sugar, salt, baking soda, cinnamon, and vanilla extract. Remove one tiny bit per child helper on a baby spoon to give each one a “taste.”

3) Add the eggs. At this point, no more sampling allowed.

4) Mix in the flour a bit at a time. Follow that by mixing in the oatmeal. By now the cookie dough is stiff enough that you’ve hurt your hand, but you still have to mix in the butterscotch chips. Give each child helper two butterscotch chips and mix in the rest.

5) Place by spoonfuls onto a baking pan. Bake 9 – 11 minutes or however long it takes to get them cooked through. Remove to rack to cool. Consume with milk. Give some to the bus driver.


  1. Patient Husband

    Thanks for putting this up. Your write-up is more amusing than mine would have been.

    1. philangelus

      “My goodness, these are the funniest cookies I’ve ever tasted!”

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