No, not bored for long

Guardian angels are matched to the personality of their charges. This isn’t a matter of doctrine or faith, but it’s pretty obvious to me at least that when God assigns an angel to take care of a human being for thirty, forty, a hundred years, they should at least be compatible. They might need to work out the rough edges, and sometimes they complement in unexpected ways, but they should fit together like a donut and a donut hole. This is a basic premise in all my guardian angel fiction.

On Sunday, Kiddo#3 went to play soccer, and he did his usual. His “usual” is to thoroughly do whatever he is doing, with no thought for petty matters like (for example) surviving the game. He ran his little legs off, kicked, blocked — and hit the ground about sixty-five times. He can execute a perfect shoulder-roll where he kicks the ball, hangs briefly in midair, then slams into the ground on his side and shoulder, rolls onto his front and then bounds back to his feet.

You can tell which other parents are watching him because a) they’re pale and open-mouthed, and b) they all are; he’s very hard not to watch, often with your cell phone in your hand so you can dial 911 that much quicker.

I was wondering what kind of guardian angel you’d match up with a kid like that. Do you remember the picture of the guardian angel shaking and clutching a beer? (Mr. Hooper’s Viking Funeral?) I figure after Kiddo#3 finally passes out at the end of the day, that’s what happens.

But maybe the guardian and the charge really are perfectly matched.

Angel Messenger: Hey, ###iel, you’ve been summoned before the Lord God. What is that you’re carrying?

Angel: A surf board! I just took a gravity whip around Alpha Centauri and shot straight into a black hole, popped out the other side in a tesseract in the middle of the Orion Nebula, then —

Angel Messenger {wide-eyed and pale, groping for cell phone}

Angel: I’ll go see God now and you can come with me next time. Catch you later!

Angel Messenger: Um…yeah.

God: Well, ###iel, I’ve got an assignment for you.

Angel: Cool! What will it be? Remember the time I rounded up that whole asteroid belt?

God: You’ll be guarding a human being.

Angel: … Oh.

God: You’re disappointed?

Angel: Well… I won’t refuse an assignment.

God: Good. Just wait until you see the person I have for you. I doubt you’ll be bored for long.