Scene: The Judgment Seat of God
God: Let’s talk about the morning of June 16th, 2014.
Me: Um…okay…
God: What did you crochet?
Me: Oh. Oh, no.
God: Well?
Me: You’re not going to hold that against me! The kids were pestering me! They thought it was funny!
God: And…?
Me: But…but…it’s just one thing!
God: Yes.
Me: Are you saying that one thing encapsulates my whole life?
God: Are you saying it doesn’t?
Me: Well, come to think about it, no, I can’t say that.
God: So what did you make on the morning of June 16th, 2014?
Me: A crocheted fake turd.
Maybe that’s during pre-trial, so that when you’re judged in public, you’ll be able to respond.
God: State for the tribunal the name of the person who taught you to crochet.
Me: My grandmother, {Firstname Lastname}
God: And state for the tribunal what kinds of things she crocheted.
Me: Lace. Lots and lots of lace.
God: And…?
Me: And…altar linens.
God: And state for the court what you were crocheting on the morning of June 16th, 2014.
Me: Do I have to?
And then the Tribunal gets to make sure they heard you right.
God: Does the Tribunal have any questions for the accused?
Tribunal: What did you do with it?
Me: I gave it to the boys so they could leave it on random chairs in the house.
Of course, God is a merciful God, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
God: I have decided I will not punish you for the craft item you produced on the morning of June 16th, 2014.
Me: Thank you!
God: I have decided that someone else will handle it.
Grandma: JANIE!!!!
Me: Um, yeah…thank you.
Aren’t you even going to tell us what yarn you used?
KnitPicks worsted wool in Maple Syrup. I used the Lion Brand fun summer magnets pattern for the hot dog.
oh please please post a pic!
Very very funny. Thanks for the laugh
I almost hurt myself trying not to laugh out loud.
I second hthrb, pics, please.
How do you get it to hold ‘form’? Is it stuffed or something?
It’s stuffed with acrylic fiberfill (see — fiber! It’s good for, um… Hey, look at the time!)
Brilliant! Photo please?
Ask and thou shalt receive.