A little random correspondence

Dear Son,

You wonder aloud why Mom never drops everything to immediately assist you in finding whatever it is you suddenly realize you’ve lost. Here’s exhibit A.

Kiddo: MOM! I need you to help me find socks!
Me: I’m getting dressed. I’ll help you when I’m done.
Kiddo: But I need socks and all the ones in my drawer are either single socks or have holes or are too small!
Me: I’ll be out in a minute.
Kiddo: Oh, never mind, I found a pair.

I’m either lazy or teaching you self-reliance, but it works for me.

Love,
Mom

—

Dear Laughably Huge Spider:

You are a delicately-constructed creature of God, created with tender care and brilliantly formulated to accomplish your goals of feeding yourself and producing more of your own kind. I stand in awe of your most amazing qualities, but when you take up residence in a place where I can’t easily capture you, and that place happens to be inside the toilet, you make it too easy for me to be rid of you. Sorry.

FLUSH.

No love,
The Resident Spider-Catcher

—

Dear Jane,

You have three pairs of beautiful, warm, wooly socks that are just perfect for the upcoming winter months. Yet you cannot wear them, and why? Because you haven’t woven in the ends. It will take five minutes per pair. Do. It. And then weave in the ends on that shawl and block it.

Criminy,

Your chillier self